The Uncomfortable Side of Self-Awareness

I was talking with a client recently who has been struggling to make exercise a consistent part of her routine.

She has made plenty of attempts, but travel or busy periods at work would interrupt any momentum she built.

We experimented with all kinds of ways to make exercise easier to follow through on.

Shorter workouts. Different types of exercise. Lower intensity options. Different times of day.

Recently, we decided to experiment with moving her workouts to the morning.

And it’s been working REALLY well.

Part of that success is practical.

She has more energy in the morning. There are fewer distractions. And there’s less opportunity for work to swoop in and take over the time she had planned to exercise.

But when I asked her what she thought had REALLY made it stick this time, she didn’t point to any of those things.

She said:

“I used to say it was a priority. But now I think I actually feel it.”

She went on to explain that she had become more honest with herself about how she was feeling physically.

And how that was the result of all of the times she decided to put her health lower on the priority list.

That honesty didn’t feel particularly good.

In fact, she described feeling a kind of “background angst” as she looked at what she said she valued and compared it to how she was actually living.

And THAT is a side of self-awareness we don’t talk about nearly enough.

We tend to think of self-awareness as something that helps us figure out how to give ourselves the care that we need.

I notice I’m tired, so I take a nap.

I recognize that I’m stressed, so I do some breathing exercises.

I feel sad, so I let myself have a good cry.

That’s absolutely self-awareness.

But sometimes self-awareness also asks you to see something about yourself that you would really rather not see.

Like...

I keep SAYING this is important to me, but I’m not LIVING like it is.

And THAT kind of awareness doesn’t always feel like self-care.

Sometimes it feels like disappointment.

Frustration.

Regret.

Maybe even a little anger toward yourself.

But sitting with that discomfort can be an act of self-care too.

Imagine you have a long, stressful day and end up snapping at someone you love.

Later, you think about how you behaved and feel disappointed in yourself.

Of course you do.

Because that behavior doesn’t reflect the way you want to treat the people you care about.

But feeling disappointed in a CHOICE is different from believing YOU are a disappointment.

Sometimes that disappointment is simply the discomfort you feel when your behavior is out of alignment with your values.

And if you immediately try to make that discomfort go away, you miss the opportunity to learn from it.

You tell yourself you were tired.

You had a stressful day.

They were getting on your last nerve.

And all of that might be true.

But eventually you also have to be willing to say:

I don’t like the way I behaved.

And then be willing to sit with the discomfort of that truth.

Meaningful change often requires us to move through a process that looks something like this:

Awareness → Discomfort → Acceptance → Agency → Action

First, you have to be willing to see what’s actually happening.

Then comes the uncomfortable part of acknowledging that what you see may not match who you want to be.

And then you have to accept:

This is where I am right now.

These are the choices I’ve been making.

You don’t have to like it.

You don’t have to make yourself feel better about it.

You just have to be willing to stop arguing with the reality in front of you.

And once you accept the role your choices have played in getting you here, you can also recognize the role your choices can play in where you go next.

That’s agency.

And from there, you can start making different choices.

That’s what was happening with my client.

During one particularly demanding work week, she told me there were mornings when she knew working out meant getting into the office later than she would have liked.

But she made the time anyway.

Over the course of our conversation, she put it this way:

"Sometimes the angst causes movement.

So that's what I'm doing...moving.

And maybe it's gonna suck. But the only thing you can do is try to do something about it.

Even if I’m coming in at 10...even if I’m going to be a lot more behind than I would like to be...I make the time, schedule it, and do it.

Because I think about what would I be proud of?"

Getting up to exercise in the morning didn’t suddenly become easy.

She was just no longer comfortable continuing to SAY her health was important while repeatedly making CHOICES that didn't reflect that value.

And that brings me to a question I want you to sit with this week:

What is something you regularly SAY is important to you?

Your fitness?

Your relationships?

Your sleep?

Your mental well-being?

Now, for a moment, forget what you SAY about it.

Look at your ACTIONS over the past few weeks.

If someone could see your choices but couldn’t hear what you SAY is important to you, what would your actions tell them?

You might really like what you see.

You might also notice some places where your actions and your values aren’t quite lining up.

And that might feel uncomfortable.

LET IT.

Because seeing that gap means you’re finally being honest enough with yourself to do something about it.

And that’s where change starts.