How to Make Holiday Choices You’ll Feel Good About

"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new." — Socrates

With the holidays just around the corner, it can be easy to focus on what you don’t want to do. 

Maybe you’ve caught yourself thinking:

“I don’t want to overeat at the party.”
“I won’t eat the cookies by the dessert table.”
“I don’t want to feel guilty afterward.”

The problem is, when we focus on what we don’t want, our brains tend to linger on exactly those things. 

It’s like telling yourself, “Don’t think of a giant pink elephant dancing in your living room.” 

Guess what you’re picturing now? 

Yup, that elephant is taking center stage in your mind. 

The same thing happens when you focus on what you don't want to do during the holidays. 

Your brain doesn’t really care about the word “don’t.” 

It zooms right in on the “overeat,” “cookies,” or “guilt” part, making it more likely you’ll do exactly what you said you wouldn’t.

Think of it like trying to hold a balloon underwater: the more effort you put into pushing it down, the more forcefully it pops back up.

This kind of avoidance talk can actually reinforce the very behaviors you’re hoping to avoid.

So, how can you handle the holiday season differently? 

👉 Ask yourself: “What do I WANT to do instead?”

This simple question creates a forward-focused goal that pulls you toward positive action, rather than keeping you on the defensive.

Once you are clear on what you WANT to do, take it one step further.

👉 Ask yourself: “What specifically will I COMMIT to doing?”

Because wanting alone isn’t enough. You can want to have the perfect holiday evening—twinkling lights, a cozy sweater, and the aroma of gingerbread cookies wafting through the air—but until you actually preheat the oven, decorate the tree, and put on that sweater, all of that is just a nice thought.

👉 Clarity plus commitment equals effective action.

❄️ Let’s try some holiday-themed examples ❄️

Avoidance Talk: “I don’t want to stuff myself with appetizers before dinner.”
Approach Talk: “I want to savor a single appetizer I really enjoy, then focus on the main meal.”
Commitment: “I’ll choose one small appetizer portion and then shift my attention to the people around me, not the snack table.”

Avoidance Talk: “I won’t go back for seconds.”
Approach Talk: “I want to create a balanced plate from the start.”
Commitment: “I’ll fill half my plate with vegetables, a quarter with lean protein, and a quarter with a holiday treat I love, and then close the kitchen for myself once I’m done.”

Avoidance Talk: “I don’t want to feel guilty tomorrow.”
Approach Talk: “I want to feel proud of my choices by the end of the night.”
Commitment: “I’ll pause before each serving to ask if it’s something I truly enjoy and will appreciate tomorrow.”

To Recap:

• Avoid focusing on what you don’t want.

• Ask, “What do I WANT to do instead?” to set a positive intention.

• Ask, “What will I COMMIT to doing?” to turn that intention into action.

By reframing your focus and giving yourself something positive to move toward, you’re far more likely to follow through with choices you’ll feel good about, rather than feeling like you’re constantly battling temptations.

I'll be taking some time off from writing over the holidays, so you won't be hearing from me again until the new year.

In the meantime, if you’d like more strategies for staying on track this season, check out the 3-part live series I recorded in my private Facebook group, The Messy Practice, on How to Navigate Holiday Challenges with Grace. (P.S. It’s free to join!)

Wishing you a holiday season filled with choices you’re proud of.

P.S.

If you’re thinking about setting a New Year’s resolution to eat healthier, stay tuned for details on my free Goal Getter Bootcamp coming in early January.

During this LIVE event, I’ll share the three key steps you need to take to build consistency, create lasting habits, and finally achieve the results you’ve been dreaming of...so you can stop starting over every year.