Why You Avoid Your Emotions (And What to Do Instead)

This past weekend was a really stressful one for me.

And by Sunday morning into the afternoon, that stress had kind of peaked.

But instead of actually letting myself process it…

I just kept powering through.

I had to do laundry and food prep.

Then I wanted to finish some work before we headed out for our evening plans (seeing a collection of short films by David Lynch).

So I did what I think a lot of us do.

I told myself, “I’ll deal with it later.”

I finished my to-do list and we headed to the theater, where I thought I'd finally have a chance to relax a bit.

But within minutes of the first film starting, I could feel it.

This tension building in my body.

The film was very…David Lynch.

If you’re familiar, you know what I mean.

It was dark. Repetitive. And just overall unsettling.

I could feel my nervous system reacting.

My chest was tight. I was fidgeting.

The tension just kept building.

I was trying to manage it by taking deep breaths. Sipping water. Telling myself, “You’ll be fine. Just sit through it.”

But by the middle of the third film, I had a very clear realization:

“I can’t stay here.”

And immediately, another set of thoughts followed:

“But I don’t want to be disruptive.”

“I don’t want to draw attention.”

“This is kind of silly, it’s just a movie.”

And that’s when it clicked for me…

Oh.

This is that pattern.

The one where I worry more about how I’m perceived than what I actually need.

And in that moment, I had a choice.

Stay…and keep ignoring what my body was very clearly telling me.

Or leave…and take care of myself.

So I got up and walked out.

I didn’t say anything to my husband. I didn’t even take anything with me.

I just left.

And once I was outside, I knew I couldn't go back in.

Because I needed to let the emotion OUT.

Dealing with it later wasn't an option anymore.

So I paced around outside.

I cried.

I breathed.

And I let myself feel everything that I hadn’t let myself feel all morning.

The emotion didn’t disappear right away.

But I could feel my nervous system gradually shifting.

Just being outside. Moving my body. Giving myself space to feel what was there.

Eventually, my husband came out to find me.

Once I filled him in, he asked if I wanted to leave.

To which I responded with an emphatic YES.

He then suggested we go to the water.

So we drove to the beach, walked out on the pier, and just sat there.

And that's when I could really feel it…

That release.

That big exhale.

That sense of, “Okay…I’m coming back to myself.”

The reason I’m sharing this story with you is that there are a few important lessons in it.

First…

Your body will tell you what you need.

But only if you’re willing to listen.

Second…

Most of us were never taught how to actually process emotions.

We were taught to push through.

To stay composed.

To keep it together.

But that’s not dealing with it.

That’s avoiding it.

And what I experienced in that theater was what happens when you avoid it for too long.

It comes out anyway.

Just louder. Stronger. Harder to ignore.

And third…

There’s this fear that if we let ourselves feel something fully, we won’t be able to handle it.

That we’ll fall apart.

That we won’t come back from it.

But that wasn’t my experience at all.

If anything, the opposite was true.

Letting myself feel it is what allowed it to move through me.

It’s what allowed me to come out the other side feeling better, clearer, more grounded.

Not because the situation changed…

But because I actually processed what I was feeling instead of suppressing it.

And I see this show up all the time with the women I work with.

That same avoidance and buildup.

That same pattern of trying NOT to feel what’s there.

And then turning to food, or alcohol, or distraction as a way to cope.

Not because you’re lacking discipline.

But because you’ve never been taught how to sit with an emotion safely.

How to respond to what your body is telling you.

How to give yourself what you actually need in that moment.

So here’s what I want you to think about today:

When you feel a strong emotion in your body…

What do you usually do?

Do you push through?

Distract yourself?

Numb it?

Or do you give yourself space to actually feel it?