When Your Goals Start Getting in the Way of Your Life
If you’ve spent any time trying to improve your health, you’ve probably heard some version of this advice:
Make choices your future self will thank you for.
And generally, I think that’s pretty good advice.
The problem is the way we tend to cast the two characters in this story.
Future You is the sensible adult.
She wants you to do the workout. Eat the vegetables. Save the money. Go to bed on time. Have the uncomfortable conversation.
Present You...well, she’s basically an impulsive toddler.
She wants pizza. She wants to skip the workout. She wants to buy the thing. She wants to stay up too late watching TV.
And sometimes that is an accurate depiction of what is going on.
Sometimes Present You really is stomping her feet, throwing a tantrum, and saying, “BUT I DON’T WANNA!”
And caring about Future You means practicing some restraint and doing the thing anyway.
...But I think we get into trouble when we start assuming that’s ALWAYS the dynamic.
Because when Future You always represents the responsible choice and Present You always represents temptation,
We can become so focused on delayed gratification that we start treating present-day gratification as inherently suspect.
We start sorting all of our choices into two categories.
Responsible:
Do the workout.
Cook the healthy dinner.
Finish the work.
Save the money.
Frivolous:
Go out with your friends.
Spend money on an experience.
Stay up late talking to someone you love.
Eat something because it tastes good.
But something isn’t frivolous just because it doesn’t contribute to some future outcome.
Fun matters.
Pleasure matters.
Connection matters.
Doing something for no other reason than "I ENJOY THIS" matters.
And I’ve been realizing how much I lost sight of that for a while.
Before I moved to New York City, I went to concerts ALL THE TIME.
Then I moved to New York.
First I was going to school full-time while working. Then I became a personal trainer and worked all kinds of crazy hours.
I had to get up really early, so I protected my sleep.
And going to a concert usually meant getting home late and being exhausted the next day.
So most of the time, I just didn’t go.
I lived in New York City for almost 20 years, and I’m pretty sure I’ve been to more concerts in the past 4 years since I left than I went to during my entire time living there.
And lately, as I’ve started saying yes more often to concerts and other things simply because they sound FUN, I’ve realized how much I missed that part of myself.
I’ve also noticed something else.
The more I give myself those kinds of experiences, the less pull I feel toward some of the other things I used to reach for at the end of a long day.
A random glass of wine on a Tuesday night.
Eating a sleeve of crackers instead of the healthy dinner I’d planned.
Overeating because I "just want something" after a day of doing all the responsible things.
And that makes sense.
Because enjoyment, connection, pleasure, play, novelty...these aren’t meaningless extras we earn after we’ve finished being responsible.
They’re part of a full human life.
That DOESN’T mean every desire Present You has should get a yes.
Sometimes the desire to eat pizza instead of the dinner you planned is just Present You saying, “But I don't wanna eat the broccoli!”
Sometimes the desire to skip the workout really is just her saying, "But I don't wanna get off the couch!"
Sometimes the desire to buy the new TikTok trending item is just her saying, "but I WANT IT!"
Sometimes saying no to those things IS exactly what you need to do.
Restraint IS healthy.
But restraint isn’t automatically the better choice just because it benefits Future You.
Sometimes the workout can wait because your friend invited you last minute to do something you’d genuinely love.
Sometimes staying up later than usual because you’re having a great conversation is more valuable than getting eight hours of sleep that night.
This is the part people don’t like.
Because there’s no simple rule.
“Always choose Future You” is a rule.
“Never deprive yourself” is also a rule.
The harder skill is learning to discern between:
Giving in to an urge that pulls you away from something that matters to you and
Mindfully saying yes to something based on what matters to you, even if it might conflict with your health goals.
That requires context.
Am I skipping this workout because I just don’t feel like doing something uncomfortable?
Or am I skipping it because another opportunity came up that would bring something meaningful into my life?
Am I eating this because I genuinely want to enjoy it?
Or am I desperately searching for something pleasurable because I’ve given myself almost no other sources of pleasure lately?
Am I spending this money because this experience matters to me?
Or did Target put something cute on an endcap and my brain went, “OOOH, SHINY!”?
There isn’t a rule that can answer those questions for you.
You have to learn to know yourself well enough to tell the difference.
The point of caring for Future You isn’t to endlessly sacrifice Present You.
Sometimes restraint is the choice that serves you.
Sometimes choosing the fun thing is.
We need to stop automatically treating enjoyment now as the enemy of a better life later.
Not everything you do has to make you healthier, fitter, richer, or more productive to have value.
Some things are worth doing simply because they make your life more enjoyable to live.
