When “Good Enough” Is Always One Goal Away

In my mid-20s, I went through what most people would consider a pretty successful fitness transformation.

I started exercising consistently. I got really fit. I lost about 20 pounds.

And when I decided to become a personal trainer in 2008, I was the smallest and lightest I had ever been.

At one point, I was 5'4" and 108 pounds.

And I felt pretty good about myself.

...until I started working at a gym.

Before that, most of the people I spent time with didn't exercise much. So compared to them, I felt pretty fit.

Now I was spending every day surrounded by personal trainers and other people who were even thinner, stronger, and fitter than I was.

And suddenly, what had felt like "enough" before wasn't enough anymore.

I started comparing myself to them.

I wasn't thin enough.

I wasn't fit enough.

I didn't know enough.

And at 108 pounds, I started wearing shapewear under my personal trainer uniform because I didn't feel confident enough in my body.

...yeah.

And the goalposts kept on moving.

I thought I'd finally feel good enough WHEN I got a little leaner.

WHEN I got another certification.

WHEN I knew more.

WHEN I could do more.

But there was always another WHEN.

This is one of the dirtiest four-letter words I know.

WHEN.

We tell ourselves things like,

I'll feel confident WHEN I lose 20 pounds.

I'll be proud of myself WHEN I finally hit my goal.

I'll be happy WHEN I get the promotion, make more money, fit into those jeans...

The problem is, WHEN has a funny way of continuing to move.

You lose the weight, but now you want to tone up more.

You get the promotion, but your neighbor still makes more money.

You reach the goal, and almost immediately there's another one you think you should be working toward.

I know this because I reached a lot of my WHENs.

I lost the weight.

I got fit.

I got stronger.

I collected the certifications.

I got the promotion.

But none of those things gave me what I had been trying to earn.

Because the problem was never that I hadn't accomplished enough.

The problem was the belief underneath it all.

The belief that I'll be enough WHEN...

And as long as THAT belief remained intact, my brain could always find new evidence that I hadn't arrived yet.

Today, I weigh about 20 pounds more than I did when I was 108 pounds.

I say "about" because I don't really weigh myself anymore aside from when I go to a doctor's appointment.

And now I see my weight as simply a data point. Not a measure of my worth or a reason to think less of myself.

That shift didn't happen because I finally reached the perfect weight, size, body fat percentage, career milestone, or physical accomplishment.

It happened because I eventually started questioning the belief that my worth was something I had to earn in the first place.

I learned self-compassion.

I practiced unconditional self-acceptance.

I started to separate what I DO from who I AM.

None of that meant I had to stop wanting things for myself, though.

That's the part I think gets lost in conversations about self-acceptance.

You can want to change AND accept yourself now.

You can work toward becoming a better version of yourself without believing the current version isn't good enough.

And that's a very different way to pursue a goal.

Instead of changing so you can FINALLY accept yourself...

You're making changes FROM a place of self-acceptance.

Because if your worth is always waiting on the other side of your next accomplishment, you're going to spend your whole life chasing a finish line that keeps moving.

There will always be another goal.

Another person to compare yourself to.

Another way you could improve.

Another WHEN.

You don't have to stop wanting more for yourself.

You just have to stop making your worth the prize you get for achieving it.

P.S. If you’re ready to stop chasing the next WHEN and learn how to pursue your health goals from a place of self-acceptance rather than trying to earn your worth through them,

Book a call to learn more about working together.