The Skill That Helps Stop Self-Sabotage

I've been thinking about how masterful we are at convincing ourselves that our stories are true.

Especially when it comes to stories about why we can't do something.

Why we shouldn't.

Why we don't need to right now.

Sometimes these stories are about insignificant things, like doing the dishes.

But often they're about more important things...the things that impact our health in the long run, like skipping a workout, avoiding meal prep, staying on our phone instead of going to sleep.

And what I've noticed is that we're almost never honest about what's actually happening in these moments.

We don't tell ourselves, "I'd rather scroll right now because it feels good."

We don't say, "I want to stay on the couch because it's comfortable."

Instead, we tell ourselves stories.

"I've had such a hard week. I really need to relax."

"This is my only time to unwind."

"I'm just too tired."

And what's worse is that we position these stories as self-compassion.

We tell ourselves we're being kind to ourselves by letting ourselves off the hook.

But if we want change, we have to get honest about what's really happening.

Because the stories we tell ourselves are convincing. They feel true.

And they're keeping us stuck.

The real issue most of us face isn't laziness.

It's not a lack of discipline or motivation either.

It's that we haven't developed the SKILLS to catch ourselves in the act of storytelling.

We don't know how to compassionately call out our self-sabotaging behaviors and redirect ourselves toward what actually matters to us.

Because real self-compassion isn't letting yourself off the hook.

It's being able to say, "I see what you're doing. I understand why it feels tempting. And I also know what you really want for yourself. So let's do this differently."

I experienced this firsthand over the past few months.

Life got stressful, and my sleep really suffered—not because I couldn't fall asleep, but because I was staying up scrolling instead of going to bed.

And because my sleep was off, my workouts suffered too.

But instead of beating myself up and saying, "You're lazy, try harder,"

I got curious.

When I looked at the story I was telling myself on the couch when I didn't feel like working out,

I caught myself saying, "I'm too tired."

But instead of shaming myself, I got compassionate and redirected:

"You don't have to do the original plan, but you have to do something. Because you're the kind of woman who values her health."

When I looked at the story I was telling myself at night when I wanted to scroll instead of sleep, I had an even bigger ah-ha.

I was telling myself, "I just want a little more fun".

And when I got curious about why I was telling myself that story, I realized that with all the stressful events going on in my life, I wasn't getting enough fun during the day.

So instead of just telling myself to stop scrolling, I asked myself: Where can I intentionally carve out time for fun so I'm not seeking it out before bed?

With this new awareness, I put support in place, so I didn't have to rely on willpower.

I got a backup workout ready for low-energy days.

I scheduled coffee dates with friends so I wouldn't need to seek out entertainment at night.

And this is how real change happens.

It's not about trying harder or being more disciplined.

It's about catching the stories, getting curious about them, holding yourself to a higher standard with compassion, and building the support around you to make it easier.

This is exactly what I help my clients do in coaching—develop the skills to recognize these patterns, the self-compassion to redirect without shame, and the support to make change stick.

If you're curious about how coaching can help you do the same, let's chat.

Book a call HERE to see if it's the right fit.