How to Stop Fixating on the Negatives
"Our brain is like Velcro for bad experiences and Teflon for good ones." — Rick Hanson
Let me tell you something that still makes me laugh (and cringe) six years later.
This week marks the 6-year (!!!) anniversary of sending my weekly "Wednesday Wisdom" newsletter. That means six years of stories, lessons, encouragement...and plenty of typos (I type fast, what can I say 🤷♀️).
Over those years, I’ve had dozens—probably hundreds—of women reply with encouragement. Notes like:
“This is exactly what I needed today.”
“You put into words what I’ve been feeling for years.”
“I shared this with my sister because she needed it too.”
Beautiful feedback that should make anyone feel proud.
But do you want to know the comment I remember most clearly?
The one that still pops into my head every so often?
It wasn’t praise.
It was a woman who unsubscribed and wrote:
“How can anyone take you seriously when you don’t know the difference between there and their?”
(Obviously, I know the difference. It was a typo. But try telling that to my inner critic at the time. 🙄)
And isn’t that the way it goes?
We could get 99 positive comments, and our brain will hold onto the one criticism like it's the end-all, be-all truth.
That's not because we're broken. It's because of something called negativity bias.
Your brain evolved to pay attention to threats, to lock in the “bad” so you would not repeat dangerous mistakes.
It is a survival mechanism.
But in modern life? It backfires.
Instead of keeping us safe from poisonous berries, it keeps us stuck in shame and self-doubt.
We stop seeing progress.
We stop trusting ourselves.
We give up too soon.
So what can we do about it?
Start balancing the scales.
👉 Notice the negativity bias when it shows up ("oh hey, I am focusing on the one negative again").
👉 Intentionally bring to mind 3, 5, or 10 positive pieces of evidence to counterbalance it.
👉 Remind yourself that progress, even with typos, even with imperfections, is still progress.
Six years of showing up in your inbox matter more than one misplaced “there.”
And six days of healthier choices matter more than one skipped workout or one rough weekend.
So here is my question for you this week:
Where has your brain been clinging to the one negative, and ignoring all the positives you have built?
Reply in the comments and let me know. I'd love to hear.
Remember, you aren't broken for focusing on the negative.
You're just human.
...A human who can retrain your brain to see the whole picture.
P.S.
Want more coaching on this exact topic? Join my free Facebook group The Messy Practice. Every month I host a weekly live series. This month’s theme is From Critic to Coach: Transform How You Talk to Yourself, and I will be hosting the last session in the series this Friday.
