How to Manage Your Attention for Lasting Behavior Change

I went to a sound bath last week.

You know, one of those meditation experiences where you lie down, close your eyes, and let the sounds wash over you while you relax and let go of stress.

At least, that's what's supposed to happen.

Here's what actually happened:

About five minutes in, I'm lying there thinking, "Wow, this feels amazing. I need to make this a regular thing."

And then my brain immediately went to my calendar.

How can I fit this in at least once a month? What's one month from today? Will I be able to make that work with everything else I have going on?

I wasn't even in the room anymore.

My body was there, but my mind?

My mind was in the future, trying to optimize my schedule, plan ahead, make sure Future Me had everything all mapped out.

I caught myself and laughed. Okay, bring it back. Be here. Enjoy this.

And then, not even two minutes later, I was thinking about writing this email. 🤦‍♀️

Again, I had to redirect myself. Come back. Be present.

It wasn't the last time my mind wandered during that sound bath.

But here's what I noticed: every single time it wandered, it went to the future.

Not once did I drift into the past.

It was always forward...planning, optimizing, problem-solving, trying to make sure everything that could come up would be handled just right.

I realized I wasn't even letting myself enjoy something designed to be pleasurable.

I was so focused on making Future Me better that I couldn't just be in the moment and experience what was happening with Present Me.

And, well...

Sometimes we need to be reminded of what we already know. (Just because I teach this stuff doesn't mean I don't need to practice it myself.)

Because, here's the thing: managing your attention is one of the core skills necessary for lasting behavior change.

Managing attention is a practice that lives at the intersection of what I call noticing skills and thinking skills — two of the three key categories of skills you need to create sustainable change. (The other category is self-parenting skills, but we'll save that for another day.)

Managing your attention is a combination of:

• Noticing when your attention is somewhere unhelpful

• Redirecting it back to the present moment (or to a more helpful thought)

It's not about never letting your mind wander.

It's also not about being present 24/7 or achieving some zen-like state where you never get distracted.

It's about developing the skill of catching yourself when you've drifted, and bringing yourself back.

Because here's what happens when you don't:

If your attention is constantly in the future, you're stuck in worry, anxiety, and trying to fix problems that don't even exist yet.

You're optimizing, planning, controlling...never letting yourself just be.

And if your attention is constantly in the past, you're stuck in rumination, criticism, and replaying all the things you could have, would have, or should have done differently.

Never giving yourself any grace or compassion.

Either way, you're not here.

And when you're not here, you can't make the choices that actually support you in the moment.

You can't notice what you need. You can't respond to what's happening. You can't build the habits that create lasting change.

Because lasting change happens in the present.

So here's what I want you to reflect on today:

Where does your mind go when you're not here?

Do you tend to go to the future? Are you stuck in worry, anxiety, trying to control what hasn't happened yet?

Or do you tend to go to the past? Are you stuck in rumination, criticism, replaying what you wish you'd done differently?

And...

What is that telling you?

What challenges does that create in your life?

What do you need to tell yourself the next time you notice you're time-traveling?

This, right here, is the work.

Not being perfectly focused and motivated 100% of the time.

Not never getting into rumination over the past or worry about the future.

Just noticing. And redirecting.

That's the skill.

And it's one of the foundational skills I teach inside my Empowered Eating Blueprint program.

Because without it, nothing else sticks.

If you want to develop these skills (thinking skills, noticing skills, and self-parenting skills) so you can actually create lasting change, you can book a call here to have a chat about working together.

But for today? Just notice.

Where do you go when you're not here?

And what do you want to tell yourself to bring you back to the present?