How Food Rules Can Lead to Guilt and Overeating

There's a moment I think about often.

About 10 years ago, when my husband and I were still dating, I went to Colombia to meet his family for the first time.

During the visit, his niece (who was around 12 at the time) wanted to take me to a cafe so that I could try chocolate con queso, a popular combination in Colombia, especially in Bogotá.

Savory, soft cheese is added directly into a cup of hot, spiced chocolate. You scoop the melty cheese out with a spoon while drinking the hot chocolate.

(I know, I thought it sounded strange when I first heard about it too...)

So, we went to this cafe—myself, my husband, his niece, and her mom,

And even though we made this trip specifically for me,

...when we got there, I ordered an herbal tea instead of trying the chocolate con queso. 🤦‍♀️

Not because I didn’t want to try it.

But because I had a rule in my head:

"Hot chocolate has too much sugar."

So I sat there with my tea…while everyone else enjoyed the salty-sweet combo.

On the surface, it doesn’t seem like a big deal.

I could have it another time. We go back to Colombia often.

But the drink itself wasn't the point.

And that’s exactly why it has stuck with me.

Because what I said no to wasn’t the hot chocolate...

I said no to connection.

I said no to being part of a special moment with people who mattered to me.

I said no to something that actually aligned with my values.

...all because I was following a rule.

A rule I didn’t even question at the time.

And at the time, my Spanish wasn’t great, so I already felt a little disconnected from the conversation.

That moment? That was an opportunity to connect in a different way.

And I didn’t take it.

Not because it wasn’t important to me.

But because I was stuck in black-and-white thinking about food.

And I see this happen all the time with the women I work with.

We create these rules:

“I don’t eat that.”

“That’s bad.”

“I shouldn’t have this.”

And then we follow them…even when they pull us away from the kind of life we actually want to live.

Here’s where it gets even trickier.

When you say no in a moment where you actually want to say yes…

You don’t just move on.

That desire doesn’t disappear.

It usually shows up later.

In a completely different context.

Alone.

On the couch.

With food you don’t even really care about.

And suddenly you’re saying yes in a moment where you actually wish you could say no.

That’s the cycle.

And it has nothing to do with discipline.

It’s what happens when your decisions are based on rules instead of values.

Because food isn’t just about physical health.

It impacts your emotional health.

Your social health.

Your ability to connect.

Your overall experience of your life.

And when we ignore those pieces and only look at food through the lens of “Is this healthy or not?”

We miss the bigger picture.

The goal isn’t to say yes to everything.

And it’s not to say no to everything either.

It’s to be able to look at a situation and ask:

“What actually matters here?”

Is this a moment where saying yes supports my values?

Or is this a moment where saying no does?

That requires something very different than discipline.

It requires clarity.

It requires self-trust.

And it requires the ability to think beyond black-and-white rules and actually consider the context of your life.

Because real consistency?

It’s not about following a perfect plan.

It’s about making decisions that align with who you want to be, over and over again.

Even when those decisions look different from one situation to the next.

That’s the work we do inside the Empowered Eating Blueprint.

We build the skills to help you:

Make decisions based on your values (not food rules)

Navigate real-life situations without guilt or overthinking

And create consistency that actually fits your life

If you’re ready for that kind of change, you can BOOK A CALL HERE to learn more about working together.

No pressure, just a conversation about where you are and what support might look like for you.